FROM SILENCE TO STRENGTH…
TIVANIA MOODLEY’S
STORY OF ABUSE, HEALING AND EMPOWERMENT
Born in Pietermaritzburg as the eldest of two children, Tivania Moodley understood from a young age that she was not meant to be confined by society’s expectations.
Raised in an Indian community, she was surrounded by specific unwritten rules about how a female child was expected to behave, think, and engage with the world.
From an early age, Tivania became aware that girls were often taught to place the community’s opinions above their own feelings. Rather than simply conforming, she began to question these expectations. Finding peace in the world of books and drama, she had her love for writing and poetry kindled.
“I was at university, studying drama, when I was raped. The incident sent me spiraling, and I eventually dropped out. The perpetrator was known to me. I never told anyone about what happened. Soon after, I married my first boyfriend as a sort of coping mechanism and became pregnant with my daughter.
Marriage was nothing like I had expected. He was an alcoholic, something I did not realise until it was too late. I knew I did not want that life for my child, so I left.
By the age of 20, I was divorced and raising my daughter as a single mother.
When my daughter was four years old, I met my second husband. I was deeply hoping to give her what I thought of as a ‘normal’ life, and because of that, I overlooked how polarised we were in personality.
Although we had a son together, the marriage was very sad and lonely. After five years, I eventually left.”
Tivania has experienced intimate partner violence four times, with each relationship becoming more traumatic than the last. “I was so desperate to feel loved that I ignored clear warning signs in each relationship. I excused harmful behaviour, made excuses for the people involved, and hid the truth from my family until I was forced to face what was really happening.”
Tivania reached a turning point when the trauma was no longer hers alone to carry, and the safety of her children was at risk.
In her last abusive relationship, her partner struggled with drug addiction. He stole from her, disappeared for days, took her car, and even left her stranded at work.
“Nothing that ever happened to me was wasted. My pain is what serves me today to be able to effect change in the world. I have evolved from the woman I was and I have become the woman of my dreams.”
A friend’s quick intervention became a vital safety net. When she could not reach her, she went to her home to check on her. Without that support, Tivania’s story could have ended very differently.
That final experience forced her to reflect deeply on the choices she had made and the cycle she had been trapped in. She began working with a life coach and, over time, found the strength and confidence to be hypervigilant and aware of her boundaries so that she can spot a red flag immediately.
“In our community, depression is still often stigmatised. For many years, I did not even have the words to describe what I was feeling; I was simply miserable all the time. A series of painful experiences deepened my depression: rape, two divorces, three miscarriages, losing my father to cancer, intimate partner violence, and financial stress. It was an enormous burden, filled with unhealed trauma. On 3 June 2014, I survived a suicide attempt. The next day, through what I believe was divine intervention, I found myself in a workshop that changed my life forever. A group of strangers gave me permission to speak my truth, and that set me free. Over the past 12 years, the healing work I have done has grown into a deeper purpose.”
After surviving her suicide attempt, Tivania chose to tell her truth and take ownership of her journey.
Through her healing work, she has transformed her trauma into a way of helping others. What was once a source of pain has become part of her purpose.
A decade later, Tivania remains in awe of how far her life has moved beyond what she once dreamed possible, shaped by her resilience and perseverance.
“Healing is not an easy road to navigate. We often become used to hiding from our demons and facing them can be incredibly difficult. I had to uncover things I had kept buried for more than twenty years, and that process was deeply painful.
Transformation also meant releasing people who no longer served my growth. I had to walk away from family and friends I had outgrown. It was not an easy path, but I would not choose it any other way.
I do not think many people understand that abuse changes you forever. Healing is not linear; it is an ongoing journey with many layers. Abuse cannot simply be forgotten or dismissed. Its impact can remain long after a person has healed and grown.
People often ask, ‘Why didn’t she just leave?’ Without understanding the psychology behind abuse. Many women are emotionally manipulated to the point where what seems obvious to others is not obvious to them. Many are also financially dependent on their partners, which makes leaving even more difficult.
This is why I am so passionate about empowering women to earn their own money. Financial independence gives women choices, and choices can create a path to safety, freedom, and healing.”
Tivania believes women need more support and far less judgment. In particular, she feels the Indian community still has a long way to go in moving beyond archaic ways of thinking.
Too often, women remain silent because they fear the question, “What will people say?”
She believes awareness must begin with naming and challenging harmful patterns, including:
- Mothers making excuses for the poor behaviour of their sons.
- Men feeling entitled to their wives’ bodies, money, and time.
- Communities placing reputation above women’s safety and wellbeing.
These are the beliefs and behaviours society needs to break free from, and that change begins with awareness.
“When I look in the mirror, I still see the young, sad, lost girl, and I honour her with immense love. But I also see a powerful woman I am deeply proud of. I walked through the fire to become this fierce, and I own it unapologetically.
You are never what happened to you. You are what you become because of it.”
Tivania published her first autobiography eight years ago. She has since been the recipient of three awards, done public speaking in eleven countries, and appeared on radio, television and magazine interviews.
Her books are available from Amazon or directly from her.
- Girl On Fire – R150 (Digital copy only)
- The Flame She Carried – R280 for a physical copy excluding delivery
- R150 for a digital copy
Tivania has used her trauma to advocate against women’s abuse. The most rewarding things have been assisting women to leave abusive partners with her help and enabling women to start businesses from home due to her funding. That type of progress cannot be quantified.
She also works as an editor for five publications. Serving the community is what fuels her even though the work itself is emotionally taxing.
Tivania remains grounded in music, religion, her family and with her partner and kids.
Tivania Moodey is an inspiration to women all over the world. It takes courage to speak about your demons on a public platform, own your truth and change the trajectory of your story.
FemForward wishes you continued strength and resilience, and we hope your bravery empowers others to find their voice.